the intimacy of being known and the fear of being seen

the intimacy of being known and the fear of being seen

On privacy, trust, and the strange expectation that loving someone means letting them know everything about us.

hasif 💌

Oct 17, 2026

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I think one of the strangest things about being loved is realizing that someone can know you so well and still not know everything about you. They can know what makes you laugh, what keeps you awake at night, the things you regret, the people who hurt you, and the little habits you have when you’re comfortable around them. They can be the person you call when something goes wrong and the first person you want to tell when something goes right, and still, there might be a part of you that you haven’t figured out how to explain to them. I don’t think we talk enough about that part of being close to someone, because we have somehow come to believe that intimacy means eventually becoming an entirely open book.

Somewhere along the way, we started treating privacy as though it were suspicious. If your partner doesn’t tell you something, you wonder what they’re hiding. If someone needs time alone, you wonder whether you’ve done something wrong. If a person you love has a world that exists outside your relationship, you might find yourself wanting to know every detail of it, not necessarily because you distrust them, but because not knowing makes you uncomfortable. We tell ourselves that we only want to understand them better, and sometimes that’s true, but sometimes what we’re really asking for is the reassurance that nothing exists beyond our understanding that could ever hurt us.

This made me think of a story I came across recently, and I wanted to share it with you. One of my subscribers, Isadora, wrote about Melusine, a fascinating figure from European folklore, and her retelling got me thinking about the boundaries we set in relationships, the secrets we carry, and what happens when someone we love struggles to accept the things they don’t understand. I’ll let Isadora tell you the story herself, because I think there’s something beautiful about experiencing it in her words.

ISADORA’S ESSAY:

After spending the summer by the waters of France, I couldn’t help but wonder if any mermaid stories were linked to the area, or anywhere else within France, it’s land.. it’s history.. I was on the beach one day with my family, a very calm pebble beach, with stones of different shapes and colors, and still waters. Healing my receiving heart as I floated on my back taking in the eternal life force of the salty blue water in that moment. I looked at the land from where I was at, I noticed the clear blue sky above, the lush greenery in the mountains, the beautiful architecture, the bright sand that absorbed the heat of the sun, and the gentle sound of the water by the shore. One thing in particular caught my attention, it was the shower on the corner of the beach where after we’d swim we’d rinse off and go back to our mortal day to day life. But it wasn’t a plain shower, it had a figure on the wall that sparked my interest. A figure of a mermaid. There must be a story there..

It’s been weeks, maybe months, maybe years, or maybe a moment of eternity.. and I still haven’t found my way out, thought the Prince. The trees have once welcomed me, but it feels like even the rustle of their leaves in the wind seem to tell me I’ve over stayed my welcome, they’re closing in on me. The Prince heard the howl of a wolf in the distance as if it were an alarm, as if he was moments away from the great digest within the belly of the whale that was the forest. He thought he was done for. At that moment of his surrender, he realized the repeated howl was not of a wolf, but of a song. A song sung by a woman.

He followed the voice like an answered prayer that led him to a waterfall. Where he saw an ethereal figure wrapped in a long angelic white dress bathing under the water. Hypnotized by her beauty, the Prince called for her. Unafraid, the woman answered him. ‘What are you doing here alone in the forest?’ asked the Prince, ‘I’m bathing’ she answered, ‘Is that how you bathe? Fully clothed under a waterfall? Aren’t you afraid of being alone here? Aren’t you afraid of strange men that might appear in the forest?’ he curiously continued, ‘Yes, this is how I bathe. I would be afraid if I weren’t fully clothed,’ answered the woman confidently, ‘besides I come here all the time, I love it here, the nature, the pure cleansing water, it’s lovely here’ she said. The Prince looked at her left hand, there was no ring ‘Your husband must be worried about you here alone?’ he asked, wanting to make sure he didn’t assume too fast, ‘I’m not married, answered the woman, ‘Then return with me to my Kingdom, be my bride. I will give you an extraordinarily beautiful tub, and you will never have to come here alone again.’ The woman appreciated the offer, ‘I’m flattered, but I don’t know who you are.. I must decline.’ The woman proceeded to give the Prince directions out of the forest, and bid him farewell.

Every time he tried to leave, the forest led him back to her, so he took the opportunity to get to know her. If he could not have her as his bride, and could not find his way back

home no matter how hard he tried, he seized the opportunity before him and developed a bond with her instead. Little did he know, the bond was the path towards their marriage. The time came where he offered her a proposal again, and this time she did not decline. ‘I will marry you, under one condition..’ she said, ‘What is it?’ answered the Prince, ‘I am to be left alone in my chamber on Saturdays, no one shall come to me or question this, not even you. I will be back every Sunday morning, However, before first light on Saturdays I will be undisturbed.’ stated the woman, the Prince was confused, ‘However, if your curiosity gets the best of you, leading you to unravel the boundary, I will need to go..’ she looked at him, he furrowed his brows in confusion, as he looked down at the shore that brought them together, he did not understand. Their hands tore through the growing silence between them as their fingers intertwined, he looked up at her as she waited for an answer. He looked at the beautiful woman before him, feeling an unbreakable magnetic force that bonded them both, ‘As you wish my Princess.’

Shortly after their return, the new Princess was celebrated alongside her Prince with a grand royal wedding. Everyone gathered, cheered, and contributed to the celebration. The Princess’s ethereal energy hypnotized everyone in the land, she became known not only for her beauty, but for her art and creativity as well. In years to come she also became known for upgrading the Kingdom’s architecture, with people calling her designs otherworldly. The Prince and his Princess lived harmoniously, as he respected her wish that she asked for during the time of his proposal. However, although the Prince was at peace with her request, that did not stop the speculations of those around them towards her.

One Saturday morning, the Prince was on a hunting trip with his father, the King. When the King was complimenting his new daughter in law to his son, he talked about all the ways she added beauty to the Kingdom, he was so proud of his son that he wanted to invite her to supper that night. The Prince explained that she does not leave her chambers on Saturdays, no matter what the occasion was, it was an important boundary for her and so as her husband he supports that. The King was not pleased, her firm request was something he could not understand. The offended King began pinning any possible accusation to her, and the Prince had to listen, calling her absurd names, and even insisting on the fact that she was having an affair that she maintained on Saturdays. The poor Prince’s mind was left contaminated by arrogance, ‘How could that girl you brought home from the forest, go against the wish of the King?! How dare she?! Not only that, but gaining control over you? Her husband?! How could you accept that your wife controls you? She has stripped you of your masculinity!’, the King went on and on making sure his son heard every possible insult he could say, completely assuming the worst of her, and completely poisoning the trust of his son towards his wife. Possessed by anger, he rode his horse and galloped into the abyss of the forest.

The Prince went after him, and tried to get him back, but there was no use, as if his attempts would evaporate into the mists of the wind, as if it were weightless..

The prince sent a search party after his father, and received the unpleasant news that the king’s horse tripped on the side of the mountain, causing the King and his horse to fall into their death.. the Prince was devastated.

The new King and Queen ascended the throne, and were once again welcomed with open arms of the Kingdom and it’s people. All was well, but every Saturday the echoing words of the late King would haunt the Queen’s beloved husband’s mind. The people became aware of the Queen’s hidden whereabouts on Saturdays, and the whispers of the Kingdom were starting to weigh heavily on the King. His people started to recognize the familiar weekly weight he has been carrying for years. Is she truly having an affair? Thought the King, could she have another religion that she’s committed to? He wondered. The weight of the unknown completely consumed him. And one day.. he gave in..

Quietly seated by the doors of her bedchamber the King sat in silence, secretly looking through the key hole. Just as he had first met her, she was bathing in the tub he promised her. However, there was something strange. There were a lot of splashing, which made it harder for the king to tell what was exactly going on in there, but one thing he saw for sure was that, her body was moving in a certain motion that made him feel unsteady. Could there be someone there with her? Has his father been right all this time?! It couldn’t be, the King’s thoughts took shape from one assumption to another faster than his logical mind could catch them. He looked at her beautiful face, the face kissed by water just like the first time he laid eyes on her. She stood up, and the King’s heart burned as if it were the first time. As if every time she conceived each of their ten children was the first time he laid with her. His love for her was unchanged, but what he saw was a change he has never seen before. Below her belly, were two tails wrapped in fish scales instead of human legs. This was her secret, she was a mermaid.

The King took in a sigh of relief. All those years of assumptions, of questions, of blinded trust, only to discover that he in not completely mortal. Why couldn’t she tell me? The King was confused as to why this remained a strong request of hers. maybe she was afraid of judgement if I knew she were a part of the merfolk. Maybe she didn’t want the judgement of others, and chose to carry this burden on her fragile heart alone. The King wished he could comfort her, to make her face her reality, to reassure her that she does not have to carry this secret alone. But regardless, it was her wish, and although his mind was flooded with questions, he is satisfied to know the truth. He sat down by the door when the hinges let out a whisper of a creak. The Queen heard it in shock, and met her husbands eyes through the keyhole. Their forehead wrinkled as a result of their

darting eyes, The Queen pursed her lips, her eyes watering, and jumped out the window into the sea, and was never heard from again… That was the last moment the King had with his wife, his beloved Queen Melusine.

Legend says that the Queen would return every seven years to keep an eye on their children, but the King never saw her again. The story of Melusine was an interesting one, as it goes back during the time of her own parents. As the story is meant to highlight the lesson of generational wounds, and how that repeats. Melusine, the legendary mermaid in European folklore lived this story before through her mother. As her mother was of the faefolk, and her father was a mortal man. Similar to her, and her husband. However, her mother gave her father the condition that she is to be left alone during childbirth. However, her husband’s curious mind breaks the promise he gives his wife, walking in on her as she birthed their triplets, which caused her to fled alone with her three daughters to the land of Avalon.

Melusine grew up angry at her father. And that resentment only grew after their mother took them on top of a high hill on their fifteenth birthday, and showed her three daughters the land that could have been their home if their father did not break his promise. Melusine felt like their life was robbed from them before they were even introduced to it, and so, she convinced her sisters to seek revenge on their father. Which drove their mother to curse all three of them for their actions against him. Each daughter’s curse was tailored to her, and Melusine’s was that she would turn into a mermaid on Saturdays.

In earlier traditions of the story, Melusine is described as transforming into a half human half dragon-like/serpent type of creature instead of a mermaid. She is described more as a mermaid in later versions of the story. I chose to stick with the mermaid in my retelling as it looks cuter, I think lol. Although a half woman half dragon would’ve been cool as well. She became a well known figure in European folklore, and French history. She even has a real-life castle named after her, Chateux de Melusine in western France. Their story goes further down in mythology as their ten children all went their separate ways and had their own journey’s around Europe. My biggest fascination was the overlap of mythology, as her childhood was spent in the Isle of Avalon, as I have a deep love for the land of Avalon and the Arthurian Legend.

I’m eager to know more about the curses her sisters had to suffer, and their personal stories. I’m also eager to go more in depth into her mothers story, and their time in Avalon. I’m also left still confused and wondering as to why they had to keep a secret away from their husbands, and if that boundary was broken they would have to leave forever, I honestly don’t know. But I feel like the unknown aspect of these stories makes

it much more interesting, as it becomes something to keep coming back to, because perhaps every time we read the story, those gaps would highlight something new for us to learn.

Anyways, I’ll leave you guys with this. Folklore is something I’d love to explore more, and I love writing them in a way of a retelling, as it transports me there with them. If you have any thoughts or insights that came to you please share, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Happy reading :)

I kept thinking about how easily curiosity can turn into suspicion when we don’t get the answers we’re looking for. Sometimes, we convince ourselves that if someone really loves us, they shouldn’t have anything to hide. We forget that privacy isn’t always about keeping something from another person. Sometimes, it’s simply about having a part of our lives that we’re still learning to understand ourselves.

Of course, there’s a difference between having personal boundaries and deliberately deceiving someone. Trust requires honesty, and relationships deserve open communication, especially when something affects both people. But loving someone doesn’t mean they owe us access to every thought, every memory, or every part of themselves on demand. We can ask questions without making accusations, express our fears without turning them into someone else’s responsibility, and give the people we love room to share things when they’re ready.

Perhaps what matters most isn’t whether we know everything about someone, but whether they feel safe enough to let us know them. There’s a difference between someone opening up because they trust us and someone opening up because they’re afraid of what will happen if they don’t. One comes from feeling understood; the other comes from feeling watched. And I think the kind of love we’re trying to build should leave room for the first without making the second feel necessary.

Maybe we need to stop treating every unknown as something we must solve. The people we love will always have experiences we weren’t part of, feelings they haven’t figured out how to explain, and pieces of themselves that might take time to understand. We can be curious about those parts without demanding to see them, and we can make someone feel loved without asking them to prove that they have nothing to hide. Sometimes, the kindest thing we can do is let someone come to us in their own time, knowing that they don’t have to earn our trust by giving up every bit of their privacy.

Because at the end of the day, love isn’t about knowing everything there is to know about another person. It’s about creating a relationship where neither person has to be afraid of what might happen when they finally choose to share something they’ve kept to themselves. And perhaps that’s what it means to truly know someone: understanding that there will always be parts of them you haven’t discovered yet, and choosing to love them without making those parts feel like something they need to apologise for.

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Isadora

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